Getting there.
Why is it that i wake up in the middle of the night and just wanna raaaaaan to the end of this world and bury myself alive?..woi then again the ‘other end’ never seems far enough. *sigh*
I was reading this post by Seasons and Reasons and damn, reality check kicked in lol..ok, it was more like a light bulb moment and yes it went ‘biiing’..scars, scars, scars..he put it so well, he said andS n R allow me to quote:
“Every scar has its identity and serves to remind you where you have been”
ok, go read the rest of the post..it was mbiutifu!
Moving on..no wait..still on that reflection bit, i’d just like to really really really thank you Lord for bringing me this far.. my scars, most of them ran deep..
A constant reminder of mistakes made but learnt from; like the time they almost killed me in high school loool mistake number one- never ever be a school prefect!! well, that scar was both mental (shock on my diabs man) and physical-ish..okay at least the scratches on my hand as i literrally hung on to the window pane for my dear life Laaaawd i shudder when i remember the sight of a pavement down theeeeeeeeeere loool..i am never taking my kids to boarding school!!
oh yeah, the other time i felt bright and didn’t quite study hard enough.. well actually i did but ok, maybe i should’ve braced the frozen winter and actually got my arse to the library ..maaan, lesson learnt, Frenchies are lazy but if you are lazier you are so done in!
Experiences that made me stronger..hard rock strong.
I did learn to shoot faster than a bullet when he took all his drug related anger out on me. I cried all day and night and didn’t know how to fight back but hey, now am like a power-puff gal..kapooooooooow lol keep 50miles away from me ama i smash you!! and cry? for who? hehehe i never cry..ok, that is such a lie!
I learnt to be grateful, thankful and not to take stuff for granted.When i slept out in the streets for two nights:That was actually more funny than depressing.Okay, the cold wasn’t funny at all but man, that gave ’slow nights’ a whole new meaning.Those were like the slowest 12hours ever in a night!..yaani, thank God for discos 
..i zungukad all the raves possible in Paris mpaka they all closed, walked sijui how far to find us a ‘warm’ spot and well, the trian station ..trust me, that’s just the warmest place on earth..that and the underground metro ones lol..i stayed there all night and tried to stay awake..talked to myself about everything and anything under the sun coz man, if cops shika you there si it is more shoking waking up in jail?
oh, and when morning fikad, i went to class loool yes, unshowered and starved but kwani i was to go where else?..hahaha those two days i was cleverest!! aki, yaaani, Commerce was ingiaring like a nonesence.That was just funny!!..man, homelessness ain’t good..i pray for those on the streets everyday, Lord, give them shelter”..i got shelter two nights later..thank you God.
*******
okay, i should just write a book lol..this will take like 10posts to cover it all..but am smiling, thanking the good Lord for seeing me through.Am not there yet but looking at these scars, i am so wanting to be, i will be..am still at the starting line..knees bent and ready to go!..haha yep..at times we got to take 3 steps back in order to go 4 steps forward.
When i do get to 4 steps, i’ll be proudest (proud-prouder-proudest) , oh and yes, i’ll let the whole world know lol.
“In God’s loving presence I unwind the past day, starting from now and looking back, moment by moment.
I gather in all the goodness and light, in gratitude.
I attend to the shadows and what they say to me, seeking healing, courage, forgiveness.”
by Me.
Blessed week everyone.
33 comments September 26, 2007
